I have struggled with seasons of doubt for what seems to be forever. Most commonly, I tend to doubt myself a lot when it comes to succeeding in school because I do so poorly in math and science classes. I also doubt myself when it comes to the career I have dreamed of having since I was a very little girl. that was broadcast journalism.
Both areas of life contain serious weaknesses I have. Math is very complicated for me, science is complicated because math is in it, and in broadcast journalism I doubt that I will be able to keep up with the memorization of the words on the projectors on the screen because memorization is a pretty big challenge for me in general.
My dream of going down the journey towards a career in broadcast journalism has resurrected it self as it always seems to do in my life time and time again. This time I decided doubts or no doubts I am going to keep going ahead and see what I am made of. It is because of me finding the courage within myself to ignore my doubts or at least set them aside to figure out what I am truly made of and how I can make it in the industry.
So I approached my dream this time from an avenue I never have before. I chose to begin my restarted journey with bringing my hopes and dreams, and doubts to the Altar of God. I asked Him to lead me through this step by step so that I can not run away from it due to my own fears and insecurities. So far what I have learned is that I should have started out on this journey with Him becoming first and foremost my Ultimate Guidance a long time ago. My journey has already turned around for the better.
I asked God to teach me more intimately about ways that I can conquer my own self doubt because I really wanted to make a good go of it this time. This is when he lead me to the Book of Judges chapters 6 through 8 and introduced me to Gideon for the very first time. I have heard the name of Gideon time and time again and thanks to Criminal Minds it’s a name that has been very familiar to me. After being a diehard Criminal Minds fan for so long, it’s a surprise that I never took the character of Gideon as a sign to read about the original Gideon in the Old Testament.
In my own repentance and accountability, The Book of Judges is one that I have skipped often because I used to think of it as one of those snoozeville books in the Bible that I would never get anything out of, but boy have I been proven to be wrong.
Gideon is the front and center of the story that occurs in chapters 6-8 in the Book of Judges. He earns this attention and high regard for good reason. There was absolute chaos in Israel at that time and it was intense and unavoidable. God called upon Gideon to lead an army that would gain victory over the Midianites.
What I love about Gideon is that he knew of God and the only source of doubt that he had was within his self. I interpret Gideon as someone who didn’t doubt who God was but instead questioned why God would call upon him of all people. This is a common response that still exists within Christians today, so for me it is easy to not shame or guilt Gideon for asking these questions to God. Gideon was a realist and there are times when even I myself as a Christian wonder why certain oppressions and chaos still exists in the world and what purpose they serve.
Gideon was no different from you or I because we all have a level of insecurity or series of insecurities that prevents us from believing in ourselves fully. Gideon was humble yet extremely loyal and that is what separated himself from the other people at that time in Israel.
Gideon saw himself as weak and of the unfortunate class where he lived. Instead of choosing to not fulfill God’s calling for him, he boldly and courageously fulfilled it without hesitancy or complaint. Through his own attitude towards God, Gideon ended up rising up to become greater in the land of Israel and ended up leaving a legacy that would travel on for thousands of years to come and beyond.
Through Gideon’s mission of conquering the Midianites, he proved his own worth and strength. He didn’t need a massive army by his side because at the end of the day he trusted God’s promises and voice all throughout the mission.
Let’s think about ourselves as Gideon and see how the doubt within ourselves evolves into actually believing ourselves to be worthy.
When god calls upon us to fulfill certain destines, we often times ask Him why and then continue to ask Him for favors of proof that He has chosen the right person. Very rarely do we say, “God, I will do what you called me to do with full confidence in myself.” This is because we have become a Christian culture that although knows Christ as their personal savior, has a very hard time in forgiving ourselves and seeing ourselves in the way that God does.
Because it is hard for us to see ourselves as beautiful, worthy and of God’s image, it manifests into our lives ad doubt. When Satan sees a good opportunity to use it and take full advantage of the situation, he never hesitates. When we are meant to fulfill a calling of God’s or we take the steps into a journey that holds a special place in our hearts and deepest desires, Satan becomes the jealous being he’s always been and that is when he throws wrenches our way. Satan throws doubt at people, then guilt, and then shame- it’s a very slippery slope.
The good news is that there is hope for all who doubt in themselves. All one has to do is simply trust God through it all and to just focus on listening to His voice when He calls upon us to do something. It may seem different to do but it certainly is not impossible. If you are struggling with doubt, one could turn on worship music, read the Bible, or simply just pray.
Mark 11:23 says Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.
This is a scripture that I myself have turned to in my season of doubt because every time I doubt myself in something, I see the obstacle as a mountain. This scripture reminds me that Jesus will get me over any mountain in my life almost flawlessly. Every mountain in my life has turned into a grain of sand. Once I conquer it through God’s dear grace and blessings, I can only imagine that was the case for Gideon in his life’s story.
Now here is the challenge that every Christian needs to take on for themselves. What in your life causes you to doubt yourself? Are there mountain like obstacles in your life that is preventing you from becoming greater? If so, I pray that you would find yourself to be lead to the pages of the Book of Judges chapters 6, 7 & 8 and either be reminded of Gideon’s story or meet him for the first time because he will truly encourage you and change your life for the better.