Over the last several days, I have been in an in depth self study and reflection of how I view myself, why I have a low self esteem, and where my negative views of myself even began. The truth is that my journey downward in how I see myself started in high school when I was severely bullied and the journey continued as I was trying to heal from the emotional trauma. My heart which was broken is what opened the opportunity for me to be young, naeive, and taken advantage of by the wrong people.
What I have learned over the course of this week thanks to a blessing of a collaboration between two ladies who have this christian and realistic blog is that the reason I haven’t improved my self esteem is because I have not truly healed from the emotional trauma from all the scars that the words from the past have left. I am not perfect, I don’t live a life of painlessness and instead I work hard so that I don’t feel it anymore.
Well enough of that in my life, today I pull the rug off the dirt under it and am just going to live the next stages of my life just being me, who i am, and resting in the fact that I AM ENOUGH no matter where I am at in life and no matter what I am feeling. It shouldn’t matter what I am feeling when I do, my goal is to just be authentic never composed through a mask because honestly that doesn’t do anyone justice.
As a parent, I need to show my kids that it is okay to feel, it is okay to be heartbroken, and it is okay to allow God to pick up those pieces and heal my heart so that He is seeped within every bit of glue that He uses to repair me. Honestly, that is exactly what He wants from me and that is honestly exactly how I want to heal. Through God, I can not fail because He is within me.
I suffer with low self esteem because I have had it embedded into my brain that i am not pretty enough, popular enough, cool enough, worthy enough, or skinny and active enough to make it in this world.
But here’s the thing, I choose to not see myself as those things anymore because I know for a fact they aren’t true that I shall not resort to worldly standards anymore and instead choose to live my life according to God’s standards and it’s amazing how quickly these terms and insecurities change.
Now it goes a little something like this –
I am beautiful enough to be considered a princess of the King
I am popular enough to spend eternity with Jesus in Heaven through accepting Jesus as my Savior, being applauded by angels, and baptized in the Holy Water
I am cool enough to an amazing church family who chooses to love me for who I am and focus on what’s in my heart verses what I do that’s not to others’ standards
I am worthy enough because God gave me life and the chance at a NewLife thanks to Jesus Christ
My body and level of activity is just enough because God created me and most of my activities are spent honoring Him.
I can make it in this world because He has called me to and He has gone before me and already provided victory. How extraordinary is this?! My question for you is, can you bring yourself to say the same thing?
Self-Esteem is a tricky thing you have it in highs and you have it in lows but when we can step away from how the world sees us and instead look at ourselves in the way that God does, it will amaze a person how different one’s life can be. It definitely takes a lot of patience and a lot of courage but God reminds us of this Be Strong and Courageous!!! Through Him, we can’t go wrong and Through Him we can discover the beauty that is within each and every one of us.