As I was getting ready this morning I couldn’t help but tune into where my mind went. It was something different and rare, an area of mindfulness I have never reached before. Here is the play by play of what went down-
I went into my hair closet and naturally reached for my Got2B curler hero product, scrunched my hair, and went with it.
The next thing I know….
I went to reach for my makeup and the first thought I had was “why camouflage my hazel eyes, why not do my eyes in a way that accents them – they are beautiful!” So instead of bringing out the go to black eyeliner and glam pigmented eye shadow, I applied the brown eyeliner and mascara to just give my eyes some lift, some gold eye liner on the top and purple eye liner on the bottom.
I looked at myself and said “you know what let’s keep the natural look going and just go with a nude gloss”
When I finished with my face I looked at my mirror and said “it looks good”.
These words gave me a heart attack because I don’t recall ever saying those words about myself. I have always had low self esteem issues and what I realized was that the only reason I have had issues with myself is because I never saw myself as good enough.
Instead of resting over who I am and being content with that, I have constantly compared myself to others wishing I had whatever it is that they had that I don’t. I have compared and contrasted myself to others and their hair, eyes, fashion, confidence, and the more I try to implement it in my own self, I come out of the morning routine disappointed because I didn’t achieve what whomever had.
Well I’ve had this newfound confidence developing for a while. I certainly don’t look at myself in a negative light and I’m really not hard on myself anymore when it comes to my full figure. Instead I am choosing to see my flaws and simply just ignore them.
When I go on a healthy binge or choose to eat better, it’s because I want to better my health and not wear cuter clothes. When I put my extensions in, it is to achieve my goals of having longer hair temporarily so that I can have more patience while my natural hair grows.
When I put in my hair extensions, I don’t do it with the goal of becoming someone else, instead I leave that process of application more confident because I have achieved a dream I’ve had for so long which is to have long hair. Having hair extensions help me with having patience so my natural hair grows.
So now that I have this newfound attitude about myself, it makes me realize how content and happy I am to find myself being beautiful in the eyes of my Father God and how that is simply just enough. Never have I thought that I would see this day come to pass, but it has finally happened.
I can finally read this verse and believe it
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end
This verse has been read and ministered to me a few times since finding my faith but I could honestly never believe or trust in it. I was still struggling with the shame and guilt that had transpired out of my past mistakes as a teenager and young adult. They overtook me so much that I couldn’t concentrate on the here and now – that I had overcome those things and became a new person in Christ- one of gold and a pure heart – that He had washed my sins away as white as snow.
It’s absolutely interesting how much sin can really affect your life and take you down, an experience that I most definitely have lived and maxed out on. I didn’t find my confidence through having two children that love me for who I am no matter what, nor did I find it through having a supporting family, I didn’t find my confidence through meeting my future husband, and I didn’t find my confidence with wearing the right clothes.
Instead I found my inner confidence by finally laying down my own expectations based off of the worldly impossibilities of who else I wanted to be or what else I wanted to borrow from someone else, instead I focused on seeing myself as God’s creation, that He painted me carefully with every stroke, and that I am very much the person I was made to be.
One of my absolute favorite verses in the Bible is 1 Peter 3:3-4 which says
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
Reading this verse over and over again during this transition of confidence has really ignited a beauty in me that I never realized was there – a natural one not dependent on materialism and other people’s opinions. Instead I look at myself in the mirror, consider myself to be good enough without any dolling up, and I am thankful that I can be precious in God’s eyes – because I am – and for the first time in forever, I know it.
I am so thankful to reach this point in my life at just 25 because it will save me a lot of heartache, stress, and energy for things that will never come to pass or aren’t worth my time. I AM BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE GOD MADE ME THAT WAY.
It makes me feel absolutely silly to consider the fact that I focused so much time in my life of being as pretty as everyone else, that I forgot to consider myself as someone who was pretty in her own unique way because that’s how God created me to be.
What I realize is that our society is filled with women who think of themselves in this light and if there was one thing I could change in life it would be that- to erase all of the guilt and shame we see in our reflections and instead focus on the miracle of life looking back at ourselves. We have all triumphed and have been blessed with victory over something thanks to God The Father – and that is the truest source of beauty that could ever be transpired from in our lives.
It is my prayer that we can all have an attitude of 1 Peter 3:3-4 so we focus more on our inner beauty rather than our external beauty- because our inner beauty is going to be what remains forever into eternity. Should this be a change for our culture, I could only imagine how much better of a place this would be.